the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
