i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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