You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
