i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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