You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
