Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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