So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
