I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She's the barista slut.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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