He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
