Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
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so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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