Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
