Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
