i would punch a child for taco bell
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
