Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
