I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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