I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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