But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
