Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
