Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
