I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
