whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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