he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
