grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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