so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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