She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
