Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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