What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
