I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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