So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
