how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
