why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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