No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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