he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
