420 ftw
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my phone needs a breathalizer
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
