did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
