You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize