i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bring me that man meat
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
