Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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