you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
