we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
