I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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