my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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