she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
