What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm passing your future prison.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
