you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
