Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
