I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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