He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
