hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
