Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How external is "for external use only"?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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