FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
