Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
