I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
