Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
