i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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