I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
