I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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