I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
