I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
