Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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