She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
