You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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