It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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