my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
