Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
its not stalking. its research.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
