my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
