Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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