i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
