It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
